So last christmas time Eric went to court with his EX in order to change his time with the children. It was decided that although we live far away from them Eric gets the children every other weekend, every other christmas and spring break vacation as well as all but two weeks of the summer. So eight weeks of summer. Since then we have had them only for the eight weeks of summer, but we have already gotten a summons to court in order to change our time with the kids. Tonight Eric called her to find out what she was trying to get, and to see if they could work it out outside of court.
Crystal informed him that the girls wanted to be in competitive dance and cheer classes and would thus be unable to be away from their teams for 8 weeks for the summer. Because this dance class, and now cheer is SO very important to the children she is taking us to court to reduce our legal time with HIS CHILDREN to.... wait for it..... two and a half MAYBE three weeks tops during the summer.
This is a man who fights for his country. Not just as someone who is in the army and fuels cars up, he is in the infantry, on the ground fighting for his life and his country for twelve months every other year. And she just told him that she thinks that it is more important for the kids to be in a competitive dance class then get to know their father.
Her defense was, well, they know that you love them. Honestly? of COURSE they know we love them. What they also need to know is their father and their step mother. They need to know they have a home with us, they need to know there are rules in our house. They need to know what we expect of them, and they need to know that we will always be there for them. They need to know US not just that we love them.
Does she have any clue what happens to little girls who grow up with out their father? Those girls get in trouble. Those girls chase bad men to get attention... those girls throw their lives away. Why would she risk that when their father is DYING to have a good, healthy, involved relationship with them??
Then of course as he is going to deploy again he asked her if she was planning on having the children be able to visit me when he was gone. Her response? No. The children can come visit me IF his mother takes them. If I go to see them she will PROBABLY let them see me (last time he was deployed and I traveled from Alaska to New Mexico to see them for a birthday she refused to let them see me.. and then gave in and let me have about 5 hours with them all week). But the children will not be allowed to travel to texas to see me. I will not be allowed to have them in my home with out their father there.
They are my children too and I am not allowed to see them with out a chaperon. I feel like an abusive parent who isnt allowed to visit their children. I have NEVER done anything to hurt my children, and despite everything she has done to my husband and I, I have NEVER done anything to her, nor have I ever spoken ill about her to or around the children. I have been very careful to be careful of her feelings in all things including not being able to touch my husband in any way while in her presence. I have tried to be friendly and helpful, I wrote her letters about what the children were up to while they were with us, I sent her a birthday card. and now I am able to come visit and maybe be able to see OUR children, because as a blended family they are ALL OF OUR CHILDREN, for a little while.
She allows Erics mother and father to take them out of state. She allows her parents and grandparents to take them out of state. She allows them to spend time alone with all of his brothers and his sister. She will not allow their step mother to spend time alone with them after TWO YEARS of being in their family. The children love me, that is not an issue. I love them, I couldnt love them more if I had given birth to them, and I am allowed less time with them then strangers.
I love my babies. But being a step mother is the hardest thing in the world. You have to love them as your own, but not step on any toes. Be a parent to them, while acknowledging that you are not their mother. You have to know that they are in your family, in your home and in your heart while you are not allowed to make any decisions for them or about them. And what about when there is another child in the family? Even though YOU ARE the mother of one and allowed to decide their rules and restrictions, you can not make things different for the different children. Does this mean you have to raise YOUR baby by another womans rules just because she procreated with your husband first? How do you assure the children you love them all the same when you are only able to TRULY mother one of them? WHY DOES SHE MAKE EVERYTHING SO DIFFICULT??
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